Mary’s Hall of Shame

Ok, really, if I were to list every atrocious getup Mary has worn we’d be here until the reign of King Christian the Creepy.  There are just some of the worst offenders:

Come on.  What the fuck?  Blue with gold stripes and black?

There are ways to do blue with  black, darlings, and THIS is not one of them.

Even if the colors were ok, this is a really shapeless outfit, the top is all loosey goosey, and the stripes and the ruffles, it’s just too much.

Come on, Mary, it’s a basic rule:  with a loose top, wear slim fitting bottoms, and vice-versa.

But out Mares is wearing Marc Jacobs, and that’s all she cares about!

Trip to Vietnam, if I recall, with the in-laws.  Sheesh Mary, what the fuck?

White top with red cardie that’s straining at the buttons, drab jacket on top, then puffy pants?  And red shoes, of course.

And it’s raining.

That’s Prince Henrik on the right with a yellow plastic poncho on.  I would have refused that as Mary did, but there’s no rhyme or reason to what she’s got on.  Three layers on top and bare legs.

Here’s Our Mary, following trends to the core even if they look like shit on her.

The dress is too ruffly and busy on top, Mary’s too muscular to wear this dainty shit.  The color is vile bile yellow.

Even if the dress is hiddy to the core, it’s a statement dress, it should stand on its own (way in the back of a closet, preferably) there should not be competition from leopard print shoes and – quelle horreur! – matching handbag.

Doesn’t help that the bitch can’t walk in a straight line, it’s always walking sideways like a fucking crab so she can face the cameras at all time.

This should work on Mary.  Nice elongating coat and dress.

Let me tell you why it doesn’t.

Bad posture.

Bad hair. Looks like she gelled the fuck out of it, pulled it back with her fingers, leaving rivulets of gelled hair, and tied it back.  Disgusting.

Dress color sucks ass.  Washes her out big time and the coat can’t compensate.

But hey, it’s Missoni, it’s a designer, and that’s all Mary cares about.

I know this is not an outfit, but I pretty much don’t give a flying fuck what outfit she wears this with.

This hat is hideous and it needs to be trashed like, yesterday.

It looks like a felt-class 101 design project.  The color is vile on Mary, the shape is completely unflattering – No Bucket Hats, EVER! – and the material looks cheap, cheap, cheap.

If I am guessing correctly, she has given this to Princess IsNOTabella to wear.  After all, she hates the child.

Okay, you might bash me for this one, it was pre-stylist days (I hope!).   But considering that these days she still looks like shit WITH a stylist, I think the problem is more cheap, tacky Mares than any designer couture can fix.

What on earth would possess a big boned girl like Mary to wear loose, floaty layer upon layer of fabric is beyond me.

She has not yet discovered high heels, and so she looks stumpy.

She does have that “I’m all that, bitches” smug look on her face, which is still on nowadays, even though her belly button is out there for all and sundry to see.

Sorry Mary, not even your $$$ handbag can make this nasty outfit look good.

White top, cream skirt, tan accessories.

The top is what ruins it, it’s too frilly and delicate for a bull-neck lass like Mary.

She was pregnant with Isabella here, and it really does make me wonder if all the ugly-as-sin clothes she wore during this pregnancy made her hate her daughter.

Because she dressed much cuter when preggo with Christian.

Oh daddy, spank me and call me a slut!

This is one fucked up look for Our Mary, all made up like a saloon prostitute.

The dress is a rather ugly shade of green, and only emphasizes her NFL fullback shoulders.  No no no!

The makeup is unforgivable.  The rumor is she was expecting to be given big jewels as a new fiancee, and she only got the puny bracelet, which is why she had a bitchy look the whole evening.

The dress could have been saved with better makeup and accessories, but that is beyond Mary’s capabilities.

Oh yes.  The trendy Princess.  The Fashion Icon.  Everyone should try and dress like her!

FUCK THAT!

Again, walking sideways so no cameras miss an inch of her loveliness.  Purple cheap looking pleather or some other ugly material, massive shoulders on top of HER massive shoulders, dark stockings, lace top peeking above the purple monstrosity, and leopard print shoes.

What. The. Fuck.

And this is with years of help from a stylist, don’t forget.

I honestly do think she started hating IsNOTabella in utero because she wore the fugliest things when pregnant with her.

Another for the record books.  Black print tent coat, blue-purple skirt, nude shoes, and a prissy little headband.

Oy vey!

Just because they’re nude shoes doesn’t mean you wear them with everything, Mary!  I’m so sick of her fucking nude shoes!

The print on the tent coat is hiddy to the max.  Should be on some curtains in the spinster aunt’s bedroom or something.  The headband is pure 90s Hillary Clinton.  All very ugly.

You know?  I wonder if Anja (her “stylist” and owner of the shop where Mary sells off her old clothes – by the way as of Jan 20, 2011 you can find the blue/gold striped Marc Jacobs top there, and a crop pink Chloe jacket with big buttons she also wore during  Izzy’s pregnancy) actually hates Mary.

This purple thing is a piece of shit.  Designer, of course, which Mary thinks she can wear now that she’s skinny, but no.  It’s a vile design, so cheap looking and ugly.  Hey, just like Mary!

She has worn the thing more than once, if you can believe it.  I’d cut it up and make some nice scarves.

Sarah, Duchess of York also has this, and that’s all you need to know.

And yes, this is another pre-princess days but it is so insulting to the rest of us “normal girls” who can put together outfits well, that to say “oh this is because she didn’t have a stylist yet” is a joke.

The dress is so cheap and tacky, see through lacy layer over a hideous green, no bra of course, topped with a black hat and BROWN shoes.

Here you have it, the absolutely worst look EVER by Mary.  She looks so common, with her big “celebrity” sunglasses and her feet doing the T like her Starmakers course taught her.  What a joke she is.  And sadly, what a joke she continues to be, WITH a “stylist” and designer clothes.

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7 Responses to Mary’s Hall of Shame

  1. getafix says:

    Its about TIME YOU returned!!!:-))

    I have missed your posts very much:-)))

    Keep at it!

    and don’t go AWAY again:-)

    Getafix

  2. Pede says:

    oh, what a refreshing and absolut correct account of a “wanna-be-hip-and-regal” boganprissy.

    Well done! My big thumbs-up!

    Pede

  3. fairy says:

    My grannie hat a toilet roll holder just like the purple dress, with the appropriate satin bows to keep the velvet around the roll… Go figure…
    fabulous hall of shame, glad to have you back

    • boganhater says:

      Ha ha ha! I think many grannies had that, and that’s ok, because that’s where that kind of design belongs. Then again, Mary’s a piece of shit, so maybe she got confused with the whole bathroom reference 😀

  4. Jennifer says:

    Holy shit, I can’t believe she is flogging her old stuff – and at ridiculous prices!! The sizes seem a bit large for her scrawny under-nourished body. 38 is about a size 14 in Australia I think. Those god awful harem pants (small, after all she could fit a small island nation in the arse seat of those) are even there. Love the blog, love it. Love your work.

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